Wednesday, December 24

The Last Shopping Day

This is it: the last shopping day. No more procrastinating . . . unless of course you wait 'til after Christmas for the deep discounts. My gift idea for today, however, will not likely go on sale—ever.

Dear Santa,

Perhaps you've been waiting for a better idea, something more suitable for me. I think a 2 million dollar gift is approaching the range you're looking for. You can blame Gene for forwarding this YouTube video nearly a year ago.

Behold, the Bugatti!

16 cylinder, turbocharged
1001 horsepower
0 - 60 in 2.3 seconds
253 MPH
4 wheel drive
850,000 lbs "!"

Bugatti built a website almost as fascinating as their cars. This post would have been published earlier had they not hypnotized me just this morning. They have footage there too.

I'd prefer the EB 16.4 Veyron Sang Noir model; but really, any one of them will do.

I realize that a gift of this magnitude will require lifelong behavioral adjustments. I'm in.

Oh, yeah! Merry Christmas Santa.

Tuesday, December 23

Only Two Shopping Days Left

Technically, we really only have 1 1/2 shopping days left. This is where it starts to get interesting for those who thrive on unnecessary stress. Even I feel a twinge of motivation.

Time is a tickin' so let's get on with today's gift idea.

Dear Santa,

With COLD, crystal clear skies, the density altitude would allow stellar performance in the smallest of engines. What better way to witness a fresh blanket of snow or thousands of Christmas lights than from the cockpit of a Fury.

Lycoming IO 360A1B6
200 HP
Red Line - 285 MPH
Cruise - 215 MPH
Vso - 54 MPH
75% power - 10 GPH
Useable Fuel -60 gal
Climb @ SL - 1350 FPM
Ceiling - 21,000 FT
Gross Wt - 2300 LBS
Empty Wt - 1450 LBS
Fully Aerobatic
Ultimate Load 7+G's
Completely flush riveted

If you don't have time to chat with the LoPrestis when you are in Vero Beach, Florida, check out their website.

For this one, I'd promise to be good all of '09 too. Thanks Santa.

Monday, December 22

Only Three Shopping Days Left

With an outside temperature of 4 degrees (Fahrenheit) and fresh flakes adding to an—already—healthy accumulation of snow, I can't help but praise my virtual shopping idea. Since we are all busy with holiday preparations, or shoveling snow from our steps, I'll get right to the point.

Dear Santa,

On the third Eve of Christmas I'd like to request something relatively petite. You can blame Anthony for letting me test out his "sport" earlier this year. If you thought the previous gift ideas too reckless, this one comes equipped with airbags.

A Mini . . . please 'o' please!

A John Cooper Works Hardtop to be exact - in red, checkered top and mirrors please.

1.6L - 4 cyl
208 hp
torque 192/1850
manual trans 6 speed
*automatic N/A!
0 - 60 in 6.2 sec
147 MPH
2700 lbs

I'd be happy to pick it up . . . unless of course you'd prefer to deliver.

Thanks Santa.

Sunday, December 21

Only Four Shopping Days Left

Okay, maybe I got a little carried away yesterday. I'll step it down a notch. Today’s gift idea might even fit under the tree, but not for long.

Dear Santa, how about a squirrel suit. You can blame Randy for educating me about their low-level capabilities with this video from YouTube.

For your convenience, I've picked out a few suits at the following stores:

Birdman Flight Gear
Style: Blade
Size: ME
Color: Red — of course

Phoenix Fly — Human Flight Innovations
Style: Vampire 3
Size: M

Nitro Rigging
Style: Rigor Mortis II
Size: M

Thanks Santa. With aging reindeer you might want to look into one for yourself.

Saturday, December 20

Only Five Shopping Days Left

If you, like I, procrastinate, you'll wait until Christmas Eve to buy gifts. Anyone who has made a habit of this knows that fulfilling Aunt Jude's list on the 24th–in Walmart–sucks. I, however, can help reduce your stress by making my list user friendly. Shoot! My presents don't even have to arrive by Christmas since none of them will fit under the tree. Just send an email letting me know they're on the way. Easy!

Each day 'til Christmas I will post one item including information on where you can purchase it. That'll give you five options. Who knows, you might even find yourself adding one to your own list.

Let's start off with a bang, shall we.

Dear Santa,
I'd like to request a Ducati Streetfighter . . .

1099 cc – V twin
155 horsepower
368 lbs – dry
Fuel injected
Dual exhaust
Ohlins suspension
Alloy wheels
Brembo break calipers

Doesn't it just whisper, “I’m too sexy for my rider.”

You can get more info and download pics at the Streetfighter website. Unfortunately, it doesn't hit the market until spring of '09; however, my local Ducati dealer is currently taking reservations. Visit the awesome folks at Bend Euro Moto or check out their website.

When placing the order please specify "single seat" version . . . in "midnight black."

Thanks Santa.

Monday, December 15

Where Can I Get a Cat Like That?

When I was 11 or so my father married his longtime girlfriend, Jill, or ‘Lil Toot as we called her. Hey, she made the mistake of sharing that story. When she moved in she brought a black and white, short haired kitty named Paris.

Fortunate for Paris, the custody battle only granted me three weekends a month with my dad. Even still, Paris tolerated more than any cat should. I was not malicious or anything, I just played with her like she was my friend. And she put up with it. She put up with me.

Here’s Paris waiting to be wheeled around the house in a toy grocery cart. Imagine a white, hand-knit hat atop her head—sadly missing during the photo op.

As Paris and I aged it became clear that if I were to own a cat it would have to be one just like her. It would need the temperament of a saint and unsurpassed tolerance. But those attributes don’t typically grace cats.

The kitten I adopted has lived up to the Paris standard. Even though he’s named after a fictitious planet, kPax is the best kitty on earth. I know, he’s only on loan here. I tried using the name Paris on him one day, just to see. He didn’t respond. Then again, he doesn’t really respond to kPax either. It might be interference . . . you know, from the mother ship—static so loud he can't hear us, his host family.

Thursday, December 11

Product Red

“It’s a sickness,” my boyfriend would say. But he’d say that about any of my idiosyncrasies. Yeah, so, I like the color red — fire engine, candy apple, whorehouse, red-red.

I may have noticed a mild fever while looking to replace my classic 20GB iPod. After four years of dutiful service, it locks up when used to jog. Relentless research pointed me toward the 8GB nano. The new chromatics are hot. Eight of the nine colors are easy to find and price compare. The one I wanted, not so much.

A wise relative inquired, “Oh, but how will you choose a color, they’re all so pretty?”


It’s a no brainer really. The color does something to my psyche. Many of my possessions are red. Vehicles: red — to be expected of a Ducati, but not necessarily an ‘87 VW. My toaster, French press, salt and pepper grinders: all red. My leather couch: red. Variations of the color like maroon, or burgundy, or fuchsia will not do. A little metallic fleck intermixed, sure — especially on speedboats and Cameros.

Come to find out, Apple likes red too. They’ve even given their red items a special name: (PRODUCT) RED. And because they give a portion of the purchase price to the Global Fund to fight AIDS in Africa, they are sold exclusively by Apple — well, almost. There are a few select web stores offering them online.

For those in the market, I am gonna let you in on a little secret. Amazingly, the cheapest place I found a 4th generation iPod nano 8GB – (PRODUCT) RED was through Apple. A few sellers on eBay had them but the bids were higher than Apple’s price. Shop around, but don’t forget about Apple.

You’ll be happy to know that my new nano arrived the other day. It’s beautiful; matches my toaster. Okay, maybe it is a sickness; but this time, at least, it helped to fight one of greater gravity.